why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
