Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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