This is not my ceiling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
