threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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