he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
