in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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