dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These tits shall not be calmed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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