i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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