Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
