My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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