her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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