I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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