Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
