I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
