Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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