Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
