There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
