dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
