I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
