maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
