he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
