I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
