He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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