I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
