she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
