Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
