If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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