I love black thongs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
