I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
