in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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