exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
