you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
