I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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