Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
