Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
