i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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