When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
