I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
