Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
