hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
