so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
