Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
