Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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