thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
