last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
