I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
