dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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