Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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