Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
