I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
